overwhelmed=understatement

Anticipation

Fear

Nervousness

Eagerness

Enthusiasm

Excitement

Hurt

Sadness

Insecurity

Anxiety

Uneasiness

Apprehension

Worry

Distress

Exhilaration

These are just some of the emotions I am currently feeling. I know that when people have big things come up in their life you hear them say that they are flooding with emotions and there has never been a time before this when I could relate to this more. All of these emotions are running through me and giving me more anxiety than I have ever had before. 

One minute I am completely fine and am SO excited to leave in 29 days and the next I am bawling and wishing I wasn't going. Dont get me wrong, I am so excited to go, but leaving my family, friends, environment and EVERYTHING I know for 18 months, is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I know this, but that doesn't make me any more ready to let go. 

On nights like tonight things become too much to bear. I have been strong all weekend holding things together and staying strong. But tonight, while sitting around with the family, I lost it. It wasn't an awful breakdown, just consistent tears for a good hour. I have been nauseous for the past week. My heart hurts. I have an awful feeling in my stomach. I have butterflies because I am excited. 

There is just so much happening. Its the most unusual feeling and its so hard to explain. I know things are going to work out, I know that I am I have faith, but I am not looking forward to the next month and a half because I know its going to be the hardest of my life. I know that its going to be an everyday battle to stay strong. An everyday battle to get ready. An everyday battle to stay positive. 

One of my friends Jennie Martinez wrote this quote on my blog a couple weeks ago and I just cant stop thinking about it: 

If God leads you to it, he will lead you through it.

This is going to be the motto of my life for the next 18 months and this starts now. I know this is what I am supposed to do. I KNOW THIS. I just have to have faith that God will lead me through it.