Our lives are ever changing. This is something that is inevitable yet is something that some of us have a hard time with. I am one of those that seem to have a problem with change. I lived in the same house for 13 years. Was in the same ward the whole time. Same elementary school. Same high school. Same boyfriend for 5 years. When I left for college I kicked and screamed and didn't want to go. When I had to move from my first apartment, I cried for half the night the night before. When I had to leave Tanner, I cried for the 4 hour drive home to Tooele. I either have best friends for my whole life or for years at a time. Friends aren't short term things in my life. If I could I would eat the same thing every day. Probably wear the same outfits if I didn't have to wash them. Have the same routine every day. Hang out with the same people. I think you get it.
I know that things have to change for life to get better. I don't deny that I am so grateful for the changes that have happened that have gotten me where I am today, but I dont want more to come. I hate changes with all my heart. Things are currently changing in so many ways. I want the changes to happen for so many reasons, but I cant really handle them right now. For the last week I have been on the verge of tears for hours at a time. Ya, I can put on a front and pretend like things are good, which most of the time they are, but sometimes they just aren't.
Sometimes I just want to stop time. I dont want to graduate. I dont want to lose friends. I dont want to move. I dont want to leave my family for 18 months.
But I know I have to. I know friends have to move on from the college life and get married. I know I have to go on a mission. I know things have to change for things to work out like they are supposed to. But that doesn't always make it easy. I wish that forever I could stay in the comfort zone I'm in now, but I cant. So I just have to make the best of things...and I will.
3 comments:
:) summer
I love you! I love you!
I use to struggle a lot with change...hated it, hated it, hated it. Then after I had gone through many a changes...I realized that with change comes challenges...but with challenges also comes a lot more progression and wonderful memories. Embrace the change girl-it will just keep getting better and better:) Live it! I'm so happy for you and your mission-you will ROCK.
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