Have you ever been defined by something?
Felt like the life you are currently living doesn't really matter, cause the only thing that does matter is what's in your future?
My current feelings are exactly that.
My life is defined by June 29th, 2011.
My life is defined by a place that I've never even been to, food that I've never eaten, and people I've never met.
My current life doesn't feel like it even matters. I don't think people do it on purpose, cause I know they are excited, but nothing I am currently doing seems to have a purpose. We are all just counting down the days till my new life is going to begin.
This is such a hard feeling to explain. Right now I am holding onto every second I have wishing it would last longer. Since this is my blog, I'm gonna be 100% honest. Sometimes, I don't want my mission to come. Oh my heck I am so excited, and I know I am going to bless so many people. But I am scared out of my mind and don't want to leave my family.
Some days, I can't handle anymore El Salvador.
It's all we talk about. It's all everyone else talks about.
You seriously should see the reactions when I tell people where I am going, you can tell exactly what they are thinking about that crazy country just by the awful looks on their faces. Most of the time I can keep up the act that I'm not scared. But sometimes, their reactions and comments push me over the edge.
Today is one of those days.
It's all we talk about. It's all everyone else talks about.
You seriously should see the reactions when I tell people where I am going, you can tell exactly what they are thinking about that crazy country just by the awful looks on their faces. Most of the time I can keep up the act that I'm not scared. But sometimes, their reactions and comments push me over the edge.
Today is one of those days.
It makes me feel really overwhelmed and feel like I cant handle things. I feel claustrophobic in my own skin. That probably doesn't even make sense, but thats the best way I can describe it.
I cant plan anything past the next three months. I cant buy anything other than knee long skirts. I cant move forward in any way. I know I am progressing, but until June, I feel like I am stuck.
I cant plan anything past the next three months. I cant buy anything other than knee long skirts. I cant move forward in any way. I know I am progressing, but until June, I feel like I am stuck.
This sounds like a negative post. PLEASE dont get me wrong, I am so excited to go, I'm just so overwhelmed right now. Things will be okay soon :)
5 comments:
Oh my gosh summer!! I totally know what you mean! My mom its the only thing she ever talks to me about anymore and sometimes I just wanna say could you talk to me about something else besides my mission. ha ha I hope that doesn't sound bad. I also know what you mean by your life not having any purpose. I feel like nothing else really matters right now except my mission and that is all anyone cares about. I am way excited too but I can totally see where you are coming from.
Sum! I love you, you are awesome! I'm sure most people feel the same way you do about going on a mission. You are amazing and you are going to do awesome and change so many lives as well as your own!
Oh bum. I'm sorry - I love your honesty and your ability to communicate - both excellent qualities! and I know you'll be able so soak up all this family time you'll get in the next few weeks. Enjoy everyday, like it's a new adventure - go do all the fun things you can think of that won't be down there - eat all the yummy food, go to the movies, whatever it is and love every minute - and then when you get down there you'll be able to do the exact same thing there - soak it up! :) People are just silly and want to be supportive while not knowing what else to say... Don't let it take away from this time you have now <3
You'll be just fine there, you WILL have an incredible experience and nothing is ever as bad as people think. You're an awesome young lady and I'm cheering you on!! Love you!!
Sooo....I don't want to add to all the mission talk, but I just wanted to say that I know the reactions you are talking about when you mention El Salvador and I just wanted to say, Central America is one of my favorite places ever, it is absolutely beautiful. The people are beautiful as well and the food is amazing. I miss all of it all the time. I have some pictures of Guatemala and Honduras on facebook and they make me "homesick". Don't worry what people say, you will love it so much.
Good luck girl!
Haha, sorry Summer, that was my husband's account. That last comment was from me :)
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