As I was driving home last night, I realized something. I am looking for my "prince charming" in the wrong placea. Here's my story. I have always been a relationship kind of girl. One of my biggest fears is being alone so my goal is to never be alone apparently. I have always had some boy in my life that is there to make me feel like Im not alone. After Josh (the ex boyfriend/missionary) left on his mission, I always had some boy that was there for me, none of them really mattered because I was waiting for Josh, but somehow I always had someone there. Since he has gotten home and things havent worked out, I have been trying to figure out what the heck is going on in my life, trying to figure out what I want and preparing for my mission. Although there have been some boys, I havent really had anyone special. Lately, that is really getting me, and the other night, during one of my annual "semester" breakdowns, the only thing I kept telling my mom on the phone through sobs that were so out of control she probably couldnt even understand me, was that I wanted to get married! I do. That is something I want so bad, and even though I am only 21, I feel like is never going to happen for me. I dont want to be the old one who never gets married or gets married last. I am the girl who always has the relationship, and im sick of that not being the case any more. I see people on Facebook, or holding hands as they are walking to class, and I envy them. I want to be them and I want to have someone next to me who cares about me and loves me for me and all of me.
Last night I went to my first fireside of the semester (haha I just think they are boring...bad I dont go, I know) and the guy who was speaking kept talking about how we need to realize that things aren't always going to happen like they do in the movies. How true is that? This is a quote from the movie "Easy A":
"Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."
Yes, I realize that I am not going to be able to make out with Channing Tatum on the soccer field like in She's the Man or have a movie worthy kiss in the rain like The Notebook, but those are the things that we watch on TV these days and I feel like it ruins the way love really is. We expect things to be just like we see, and when they aren't we are disappointed. We are mad that the boys can't hold up to the standards of Hollywood Directors.
For the last year or so, I have been looking for guys in the wrong places. Everytime I hear of a boy coming home from a mission, I immediately think he is the guy for me (yea, weird I know). Everytime I see a boy wearing yankees, I KNOW he is for me (haha totally kidding, this one is for chels). But honestly, last night I realized something. I need to find out who I am alone, before I can ever find someone who I can be with for the rest of my life. Being alone is okay. Not getting married before I go on a mission is just fine. Not always having to talk to a boy or be with a boy is going to make me a better person and will benefit me in the end. This is all easier said than done and I know that I am just writing this post so that when I am sitting at home ALONE on a Friday night, I will be able to read this and feel just a little better.
In the words of Disney "Someday my prince will come" that day just isn't today...and thats ok :)
6 comments:
Sum!
We are so alike. Haha. Your mish will be the best time for you to figure out who you are. You get to go and serve those cute little Latin people and be whoever you want (not that you aren't fabulous!) You get a whole spiritual make over. Just think how much better of a Prince Charming you will get now that you served a mish. You will never regret this. I promise. If you need to chat, just let me know. I didn't get married til I was almost 25 and I'm still cool! I like to think, haha. You are so great and any dude should feel honored to be with you. Just focus on Christ being your BFF and then you BFF/husband will come along, all in time! love you!
Summer... I felt so much like you for sooooo long... I used to go sit in the parking lot of the temple and cry my eyes out cause I was tired of waiting. I too was 25 when I got married and it seemed like forever... I was afraid of being the last of my friends... kicked out of the singles ward.. all that stuff.. little did I know what my future husband was going through to get ready for ME... he needed that time. It is so far in the future but it will be well worth it! There is so much you can accomplish now that you can't always do later... like your mission.... I was done with school and had learned a lot about myself before I got married... just enjoy the moments... they may seem long now... but, years from now they seem like a blink of the eye!!! I know... easier said than done... but he is there... and he will LOVE YOU to pieces because you are SO great!!!
ya know, i completely understand this. only on a different level. i'd always been surrounded by boys cause i was seen as just one of the guys. sometimes that really bit hard too for me to be crushing on one of my best guy friends, but c'est la vie. then i grow-up a tad, and get out on my own and experience relationship after relationship. all ending crummily i might add. FINALLY it dawns on me that i don't need the life raft of a dude around to be complete and to be me. once i got a better handle on that reality, guess what?! ran back into my husband, and from there all the dominoes fell right into place. my life didn't roll forward as i'd always expected it would...and definitely not according to the timing that i thought was best. but it all came out the way GOD saw would be best, including the timing. so hang in there. whatever else is on your plate between now & when you and your future-husband are sealed for time & all eternity, you'll be that much better off for, as it will all prepare you to face the challenges and relish in the immense joy you'll have in your marriage.
just remember these scriptures, (they totally helped me!):
D&C 121:7 and D&C 122:7
luv ya! hang in there. ::hugs::
p.s.
don't get me wrong, RM's are nice and the yankees are like this whole other religion almost. :) but, the scripture below ALSO helped me. i called it my husband-o-meter scripture. if a guy didn't meet its measure, then they weren't the one for me. :)
Alma 53:20-21
Wow I felt like I was reading something I wrote!! I am honestly the same way! lately I have talked to much about how tv is bad for that reason! For example One Tree Hill!! I have gotten so caught up in wanting someone just like Lucus or Jillian that it really messis me up in real life. As stupid as it is I think it affects a lot of us more then we think! Nothing is going to be perfect like we see it on tv, but that is what we are used to seeing and that is what we want. We forget that there is not the "perfect guy" just like we are not perfect. We have got to face reality and realize that we all have our imperfections and so do relationships!
A.M.E.N. Summer, just remember..you're still younger than me :)
Love you!
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